The grin

The experts say babies can't smile for four to six weeks. Well they've got it wrong. James has been grinning since day 1, really. Sometimes he does this huge open mouth grin that just melts your heart, sometimes he does a closed mouth grin that makes him look like a little elf. Every time he is grinning we run for the camera (unless it is the middle of the night, which also seems to be a favorite time to show off his smiles) and usually we miss the best grins on film.

But we did catch one the other day. This is one of his closed mouth grins, I think like he looks like a little elf.
And here are some of his other famous looks that we captured while trying to get him to smile again:


We've been pulling the camera out every chance we get. James is going to only be this little for a short amount of time, and we want to capture everything. Here are some of my favorites over the last few days -

I adore this photo. We set up the Christmas tree over the last few days and showed it to James. He was quite impressed.
The next four photos were taken all within ten seconds of each other. These are in order too.

"My name is James" says the little man.
"And I'm going to cry! This is my classic I'm going to cry face"
"Ha! Faked you out! No tears yet!"
"Back to sleep"
And this I snapped over the edge of his crib two mornings ago. I swear he's smiling.

He's growing up too fast

Already I can see changes in James, he is no longer just a few days old, today is his one week birthday. I am sad and happy by this fact, yes, he is still a newborn, but the week has slipped away too quickly. I am trying to enjoy every moment with Baby James, and notice all there is to see. In the last week he's lost the little crease to his chin, and over the last day or so he's decided that he'd rather be swaddled with his legs stretched out instead of bunched up, like he was in the womb. When I feed him he loves to stretch his legs, which means, I guess he's happy he's no longer in those cramped quarters. But it makes me sad, to know, he will never ever be this little again.

Oh no, and here come the tears...

Snapped these today. Isn't he so handsome?

Labor story: part 3

I wanted to type up the last of my labor story before I forget the details. Besides, part 1 and part 2 were so captivating, I'm sure you are quite excited for part three!

I left off when I was comfortable in bed, 8 cm dilated, and moving along nicely. Within an hour of that post, I could start feeling contractions again, and the pain was growing. I asked to get a booster from the anesthesiologist and soon was totally numb from the waist down.

Around noon the nurses told me I was fully dilated, that my doc was on her way, and that it was time to start pushing. I asked them how to push with muscles I literally could not feel. Everything below my waist was totally and completely dead. They told me to push down with my diaphragm, imagining my muscles in the middle doing all the work.

And then I started to push. Each time a contraction showed up on the screen I pushed with all my might. E held me, counting each time it was time to push. I pushed, and within 15 or so contractions he was there, born at 12:54 pm. I felt no pain, only pure true joy.

The doctor places James on my chest, and I cried. I looked at E and cried and cried. James cried for only a moment, and then, when he was all dried off, he just looked at me when I told him for the first time in his life that I loved him.

Meeting my son for the first time.
As this was happening, the doc as working down below. After all was said and done, my uterus was not clamping down like it should and I was bleeding, a lot. My doc was calm, but kept asking for different coagulant drugs, to help stop the bleeding.

James went to get weighed (7 lbs. 13 oz), measured 20.5" long, and was healthy as can be. Me, on the other hand, had lost way too much blood. I remember thinking when my doctor said I was bleeding "this will make it easier to loose the weight" (sick, I know, but everyone was acting so calm, I didn't realize how much I'd lost).

Once the bleeding stopped and the nurses brought me warm blanket after warm blanket I was told to lie flat, on the bed, and stay still. For the first hour of James's life, I lied in a half-conscience state, while E bonded with his new son. I remember opening my eyes a few times and seeing stars, nothing I'd ever seen before.

Once I had stopped bleeding and all was well with me, my doctor and E give James some love.
After two hours of relaxing and gaining my strength back, we were transferred into the maternity ward. I was told to eat something big, and drink a lot. I snacked on crackers and cookies and ordered a huge meal from the hospital room service. I then held Baby James for the second time in his life. I looked at his beautiful face, his adorable head of hair, and his tiny hands.

I forced E to go to the cafeteria and get a meal, since he hadn't eaten since that morning. Soon visitors were coming to see me. I was super weak, and trying to breast feed for the first time in my entire life, but I was 100% happy. I had a healthy baby, and I was on the mend.

That night a wonderful nurse spend over an hour with me on a one on one breast feeding class. James was catching on slowly. Both of us were brand new at this, and neither of us were very good.

The next day was full of visitors, talks about a transfusion (I decided against it), more breast feeding trial and error, and some of the happiest memories I have so far. The nurses were fantastic, E never left my side, and getting to know my new little son for the first time was beyond wonderful.

Melissa and my Grandma visited on our second day. James was loved by all.
The next morning (Thursday) I checked out with a clean bill of health and headed home with James and E. We all took a nap, relaxed, and then went to E's family's for Thanksgiving dinner. James was perfect, sleeping the entire time, and letting me and E eat a huge feast and really taking in all that we had to be thankful for.

So sleepy, so in love, so anxious

Is being anxious at night part of parenthood? The last few days have flown by with happy memories, a sleepy baby, a loving husband, and accomplishments like getting better and better at nursing. But come nighttime I get so anxious to put James in his crib and go to sleep. Having him sleep in my room is no easier, every sound he makes, or lack there of, sends me into a tailspin or worry. I just hate bedtime. I hope it gets easier.

That said, daytime is wonderful. I can't believe how busy I am. James is a great sleeper, but it seems like there is always something to do. E has taken paternity leave and has been by my side since last week at this time (when I was going into labor!). We've been learning things together, like how to change a dirty diaper, how to bathe a screaming baby, and how to sleep with a newborn in the house.

We've had lots of visitors, went to two Thanksgiving feasts, and set up or Christmas tree over the last few days. Life is wonderful, if it wasn't for those darn anxiety filled nighttime hours.

I snapped this photo of James today with his eyes open, but the lighting was horrible and the colors were all off, but it does look pretty good as a black and white.
And here is one in color. E says James's eyes are "beautimus", I agree.

Little feet

So much love

As I proclaim readily on my blog, I'm not much of a crier. Boy, has that changed. Yes, it is due, I'm sure, to the huge hormone influx that's been going on since giving birth, but boy can I tear up easily now. I think about how much I love my husband and start crying. I think about how much I love my son and tears burst forth. I sing "You are my sunshine" to my crying baby and can't get through the line of "you'll never know dear, how much I love you" and even as I type this blog entry I am boo-hooing like there is no tomorrow. Tears are literally streaming down my face.

There is just so much love in my life right now, I can't seem to keep a cap on it, or my tears. I'm not sad, like postpartum sad, but more happy. So happy that I don't know how else to express it than to cry.

I uploaded a few more photos today and looking at them threw me into a whole new wave of tears.

So much love.

10 things to be the most thankful for

Happy Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving is a year I will never ever forget. I have so so many things to be thankful for, I am truly so lucky. I will finish up with my birth story later this weekend, but for now, since it is Thanksgiving, I must list the ten things I am most thankful for:

10. Ten perfect fingers and toes.

9. Photos of funny first moments. This was James's first bath. I laugh so much at this. His little hands look like he's a dictator or something.
And someday soon I'm sure I'll not find this photo as hilarious as I do now. James is perfect, a great sleeper and not much of a crier. When he gets going though, it just make me smile, he's just so mad. Love him.
8. Lots and lots of aunties and uncles to love.



7. Great Grandmas that proclaim that James is the cutest baby in the world.
6. The most wonderful caring fantastic husband I can imagine. He was so loving the entire time I was at the hospital. He never left my side, and snuggled and kissed his little son so much.
5. Black mohawks
4. Meeting the big brother and sister.


3. Three Grandpas


2. Two Grandmas

1. And a perfect baby boy. I can not tell you how happy I am to have a healthy little son. I am so so thankful. I love him so much. Happy Thanksgiving.

Announcing James Alexander to the world

Today has been beyond exhausting, don't ask me why I'm still up. But today has also been one of the most wonderful days of my life. I saw E bond with his tiny son, I cried while holding my son for the first time, and I had a pretty easy labor, with less than an hour of pushing!

I have had an amazing day with family, my husband, and my new son. I will type up a more extensive post soon, of course, but for now, I'll leave you with a few photos:

Daddy and baby meet at last.
Mama and James, true true love.
Isn't he wonderful? He has a full head of dark hair!
He is so sweet and little. 7 lbs. 13 oz.
And a total sleepy head. I've had a little bit of a hard time getting him to nurse, he seems to latch on and then promptly falls asleep!

Cervix and I decided to make a truce

I'm back at the hospital. Wow, what a crazy 12 hours it has been since I last updated, feels like a lifetime ago.

E and I grabbed burgers for dinner and headed home to watch an episode of Lost. While watching, contractions started again, and so I decided to start timing. They were somewhat intense, but not horrible. By the end of the show I would have to consciously breathe through them and walk while the peak of the contraction hit. They were timing 6-9 minutes apart and at this point the morphine from earlier had worn off, and I could feel that they were growing in intensity.

I wanted to try to sleep but after doing our bathroom routine I realized there was no way I could sleep through one of these. I asked E if he would mind sleeping in the guest room (this is the first time I've asked him to sleep apart from me the entire pregnancy!) and told him to get some rest. I then walked and tried to deal with the contractions the best I could. They were getting stronger and stronger, but not getting closer together.

I was exhausted from the day's events, but each time I tried to lie down I would have to pull myself out of bed, quite painfully, to walk through the contraction. I then decided to take a hot bath, thinking that might slow them. Instead they continued to intensify.

By the time I was out of the tub, I was having horrible pain with each contraction, and the pain would not ever completely go away between contractions. I was walking and breathing, and trying to stay calm. I needed the contractions to get closer together before we headed to the hospital a second time, and they were still timing six minutes apart.

After two hours of this, I woke E. I told him I didn't care that the contractions were not five minutes apart or less, I needed to get an epidural, now. I told him he needed to get up and drive me to the hospital, asap.

I've always thought I had a high tolerance for pain, but I had never ever felt something like this before. I stumbled out to the car and E drove quietly and quickly, not wanting to upset me. I huffed and puffed through the contractions, cried out, and tried to focus. They felt like menstrual cramps from hell.

Once we finally pulled up to the hospital doors the pain was so intense the tears started to come. I barley could stand, sit, walk, move, or think. Never ever had I been in so much pain. I walked into the labor and delivery unit in a daze, signing all the paperwork to allow me a room.

Once they placed me in a room I started to pace, in more pain then I'd ever dealt with. E was trying to be so kind and wonderful, not sure how to help me. I told him not to dare touch me, so he just sat down in defeat and said "ok".

Finally the nurse arrived and I told her I needed an epidural, that I had no idea how some woman did this naturally. She checked me over and decided to admit me (yea!) and then called for the anesthesiologist. He arrived and asked me to curl into a little ball and hold really still. I was doing okay until another contraction started, where I had to use all the focus in the world to stop from crying out and writhing in pain.

But, as soon as the epidural was placed my entire world shifted. I was able to breathe again, able to see, and most importantly, able to rest. The nurse helped E make up a bed in the room and I we both were able to sleep from 2:30 am to around six am.

When morning arrived I found out that I had dilated more (up to six centimeters) and that they were guessing that Baby November would be here in early afternoon.

In the last four hours my water broke on its own, the baby has moved from -1 station to +1 station, and I've dilated all the way up to 8 cm (you need to get to 10 before you start to push), getting ready to make his entrance into the world.

Right now I feel overwhelmed, but in a good way. I have more tubes and crap sticking out of me than I care to count, but I'm happy, and pain free, and I'm going to become a mama today, something I've wanted for my entire life.

I can't wait to tell Baby November how much I love him.

My cervix is a ho

I'm quite frustrated with my cervix at the moment. I was really hoping that the previous post would be the last one on this blog about what is going on between my legs, but, no, of course not.

I started having contractions last night at 8:00 pm and was able to breathe through them and was getting so excited. The time between them was about six and a half minutes, so at bed time I decided to take a Tylenol and try to sleep. Nothing much happened overnight, but when I woke this morning, contractions picked up again.

E went to work, and I started timing. They went from seven minutes apart down to around three minutes apart in the four or so morning hours! I took a hot shower, took a walk, and ate lunch, trying to see if they'd go away on their own (as they sometimes do if you are having false labor), but instead they were growing more intense and more frequent.

This was it! (How horribly wrong I was...)

E came home, we packed up the car and said goodbye to the kitties. We were off!

At the hospital they checked for dilation and hooked me up to two monitors, one that tracked contractions, one that tracked the baby's heart beat and movement. And then we waited. And waited. I was having contractions, but they seemed to be slowing. After about an hour the nurse came back to see if I was getting more dilated. Nothing, nada, zip, nope. I was still dilated the same as two weeks ago, I'm only 2.5 cm. All the contractions were causing me quite a bit of pain, but they weren't doing what they were set out to do, dilate me. Damn.

The nurse called my doc to see what she wanted: did she want to induce me since I was already overdue, or just send me home, and hope the false labor turns into true labor soon? My doc said she wanted to send me home. Damn! I was so excited, so happy to finally be at the hospital, willing to go through hell and back to meet my baby boy. Now I was packing up my things and putting my clothes back on.

So, after a huge shot of morphine, they sent me home tired and grouchy and still experiencing painful contractions. Since then I've rested, ate dinner, and the contractions have continued to slow. So that's the update: my cervix is a ho.

(Also, small side note, I've been super lucky that nobody has slipped and spilled Baby November's name on my blog comments yet. Some of you know what this little fella is going to be named, but I don't want to post his name until he is here, so keep calling him Baby November here and on Facebook. Or, if you'd like, The Stubborn One. That is all.)

This was what I was hoping to be the last photo in my pregnancy photo series. E snapped this of me before I hoped into bed with my super attractive hospital gown. Taken at 40 weeks, 5 days, and with a cervix like a rock.
Once in bed, and attached to the baby monitoring device, and as soon as they did so, Baby November decided to take a nap. They gave me a popsicle hoping the sugar would wake him up a bit. I worked. And the read-out from the second NST is that he's happy in there, and not at all willing to leave.