Emotional rollercoaster

The weekends of summer are always flying by like the clocks have been sped up. I love the busy weekends in the summer. Last weekend was no exception, E and I had plans to go camping with my brother and his girlfriend in the Uinta Mountains next to a beautiful alpine lake, Lake Alexander.

The few days before the weekend were somber. E has been feeling sad about quite a few things, and the largest impact happened when Ben said he probably will move. We wanted to spend as much time with Ben as possible before he moved so on Friday night we went to dinner, had some drinks and played poker. The night was wonderful, both E and I didn't want the night to end.

Saturday E and I woke up, we quickly packed up our camping stuff (no easy task, there is a lot of it) and went to meet Brandon. After packing the car, picking up Ashley, and stopping at the super market we were off. On the drive we chatted about geocaching, being outdoors, and such. We found a perfect spot near the lake. We unpacked the car, grilled hot dogs and jumped in the clear mountain water. It was fantastic. I felt a surge of love for the outdoors that I often feel when I am outside. Wildflowers were blooming, there was thick moss on the ground and the lake was full of blooming lily pads. I felt a surge of love for my brother, and my husband, and my good friend Ashley.

We chatted, and took a drive, and read Harry Potter beside the lake, and cooked a fantastic salmon dinner. Both E and I were feeling better. I was so happy to have my brother, to have the outdoors, and to be lucky enough to experience weekends like this.

Around the campfire that night we cooked banana boats and talked. We talked about my mom and my dad. I could tell Brandon was still very angry and upset about the divorce. Some of the sadness and hopelessness that I felt after my parents split bubbled to the surface again. Never again will my family be under one roof for Christmas. Also, this is the first summer of my entire life where we haven't gone on a big family trip (granted last year was tense, but my entire family did go to Yosemite for my wedding). I also am saddened that in the middle of the worst year of my life I got married. I am so happy to have gotten married, I just wish it could have been a happier time for my family.

As the sky grew dark and the air finally cooled down I wandered to the water's edge and was met with the most beautiful view of my life: the entire lake was glassy, smooth and still. The sky was full of stars and because it was a new moon, everything was dark. The black lake reflected the stars so it almost looked like you were in outer space. Everything around me was velvety black with bright white starts piercing the darkness.

I climbed into bed and fell asleep in the quite outdoors. After a good night of sleep with some very random dreams (who knew Lord Voldomort would want to take me to ice cream before trying to kill me?) I woke up with the feelings of sadness gone. Again I was just happy to be outside, and the overwhelming love I have for nature took over.

The drive home was quite, all of us tired and hot. Once we returned to Brandon's we unloaded the car and drove by Ben's to say hello. Ben's room was empty. He had already begun to pack.

Later that evening E and I relaxed and read. Both of us wanted to finish Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince before Friday when the next book comes out. We read and slept and the feeling of dread crept back. I finished the book bawling (anybody that has read this book know why). I put the book aside and held E. Somehow my sadness for the death of a wonderful Harry Potter character turned into something much more. I cried for my grandpa (who reminds me so much of Dumbledore), I cried for my family, I cried for parents, and I cried for my best friend who is moving across the country. Finally I couldn't cry anymore and I feel asleep.

This morning I'm not really sure why I cried. I really don't cry very often (maybe only a handful of times a year). I've always known things in life will change, but in the last two years there have been a few too many changes for my liking.

On a positive note, Alex (my Playmobil travel doll) joined us at Lake Alexander, so tomorrow I'll post a few of her photos!