I am a married woman and everything was perfect!

It was honestly perfect, here are some pictures. I will add more later and a full account of everything that happened!


The Solarium is all set up for my reception.


E and I kiss after the ceremony!


We walk down the asile as husband and wife.


Let the party begin! Here E and I are at the head table.

More to come, I promise!

Wedding countdown…

Ten days and counting! There is still a lot to do, but most large tasks are done. All the favors will be done by this weekend, and my wedding dress needs to be picked up. The seating cards need to be done, which will take some time, and then they will need to be printed.

Everything else is either done, or close to it. E has to get his final tux fitting next week; we still need to pick up presents for our parents. We need to get the final music to the DJ, and final ceremony to the officiant, but we are hoping all of that won’t take that long.

E has had a hard time with all this pre-wedding stress. He doesn’t like it when there is a lot to do, and people are tense about things. And people have been tense, E’s family is staying with a flaky friend, my parent’s divorce, my sister’s problems, and of course my grandfather.

So we talked with him last night, and the results are not good. The cancer is in his bladder wall and in some scar tissue that was left after his prostate cancer. They are going to do a cat scan and see what else they can see, and then he’ll start going to the Cancer Institute. There they will decide if surgery, chemo, or other options are the best.

My grandparents asked the doctor if it was okay to go to Yosemite in a week, and he said yes, have as much fun as possible.

So I can see why E is stressed, but I hope he lets some of those worries go for the time being, and start getting excited about our upcoming wedding, because I sure am!

Today I got to work and turned on my computer. Outlook opened and popped up a reminder that is was “Mom and Dad’s Wedding Anniversary.” I guess when they got divorced I forgot to delete that reminder out of Outlook, it would have been their 28th. It is sad that you can love somebody for that long and then just end it. I guess life is never easy.

My Grandpa went into surgery today, and they located the tumor with a scope. It looked bad, and they could tell that it had spread into the lining of the bladder wall. Now we are all waiting for the test results to come back on Wednesday and see what course of action the doctor suggests. I hope it is something simple and mostly pain free.

Yesterday was the two week mark to my wedding day! I am so excited, and hope with all my heart that my Grandpa will be feeling better by then. I am sad that he is dealing with this. I know he was really looking forward to his time in Yosemite.

My sister is in trouble with some things that I don’t want to post, but I feel worried about her, and wish there was something I could do. She is on a slippery slope, and I’m not sure how to pull her back up.

I’m checking things off my “to do list” like crazy, and everything is falling into place well, except loosing ten pounds. I gained weight since I bought my dress, and I’d really like to be able to breath on my wedding day.

E’s bachelor party was over the weekend (the entire weekend) and he said he had a really fun time. It makes me wish I had some female friends. I love hanging out with my guy friends, but a bachelorette party would have been nice. Instead I was kinda alone.

Oh dear, I am worried…

Last night I had a terrible dream. I woke up scared that my largest client had not really hired us, and my company couldn’t make ends meet. My boss was wondering why I didn’t realize that the account didn’t close, and everyone thought I was very incompetent. During the night it seemed a lot worse then it does right now, but that is always how dreams are.

Whenever I am worried about something it shows up in my dreams in a very round about way. Last night my family went up Millcreek Canyon to celebrate Father’s Day with my Grandparents and my Aunt and Uncle. We had a great time eating fajitas and a huge fruit salad. After dinner we gathered around the fire and made banana boats (bananas cooked with marshmallows and chocolate) and joked and laughed.

My Grandpa interrupted the stupid joke telling with an announcement, he has not been feeling well. Instantly I got nervous and thought cancer. I could tell from my Grandma’s face that this was serious.

My Grandpa said he has been peeing blood, and quite a bit of it. At first he wasn’t too worried, and kept it a secret from my Grandma. They had a trip to London planned and he didn’t want my Grandma to get worried. In London it got worse, and was very painful. My Grandma insisted that as soon as he gets home to see a doctor.

The doctor thought it might be a bad urinary track infection, and gave him some strong antibiotics. They did nothing. He went back to a specialist and they did a scope and realized he had some lumps inside his bladder, and it was most likely cancer.

I looked around at my family, everyone was so scared. My cousin started to cry, and I wanted to know more. I asked about everything, bladder cancer can be removed, and his x-rays didn’t show that it had spread which is good news. On Monday he’ll go in for surgery to get the lumps removed. After that they can better know what type of cancer it is, and if there will need to be follow-up surgery or chemo.

My Grandpa is old, 78, but one of the most special people in my life. I am so scared for him, and so scared for my Grandma. They care so much for each other; I can’t image what my Grandma must be going through.

Just last Saturday we were all celebrating my upcoming wedding in his garden.

I’ll post when I know more which will hopefully be next week. We are all hoping for the best.

The weather turned out splendid!

The bridal shower on Saturday turned out so well, everything was perfect. The weather was a perfect 80 degrees, clear blue skies, and no wind. The tables were set beautifully, and all of our family and friends seemed to have a wonderful time. We got some truly spectacular gifts. Everything we received was wonderful, including an antique tea pot from London that matches our fine china, a old hankie that E wore as a baby as a bonnet (I will have it on my wedding day as something old, it is so special!), a beautiful red silk wedding album, his and hers antique tea cups, and many more wonderful things.

Here are some pictures of our lovely day:

The tables before everyone arrived


E and I enjoying our presents.


The tea sandwiches

One more month…

One month from today until I get married! I am still very very excited. E and I turned on some music last night and practiced our dance moves in the living room. It is funny, I’ve always imagined practicing dancing before my wedding day, and last night I actually did, it was fun!

So today has been a very good day so far, I finally closed my second million dollar contract! Yep, this is the one I was working on months ago (almost 9 months to be exact) and it finally closed today! Everyone at my office gathered around me and clapped, it was fun.

It is really rainy today and quite chilly, I am hoping the weather for our English Tea Party bridal shower next Saturday will be good. My grandma has put so much effort into the party already; I hope the weather is splendid!

Damn the wedding is close!

I am so excited! Finally things calmed down with my family enough that I can focus on my upcoming wedding, and things are falling into place perfectly, I am SO excited.

This is what E and I have done in the last week:
1. We went a looked at tuxes, and picked two really good looking ones. E is still deciding which of the two he likes more. All I know, is he is going to look so sexy in a tux, so I’m excited!
2. Finished our dance class, and I have to be the first to say, we’re pretty good. The last night we had a dance party, and E and I stayed until the end. I think we looked pretty hot on the dance floor.
3. I got half the remaining balance of the wedding paid off, I have the other half to pay this week.
4. We started receiving RSVPs from our wedding invites! It is so fun to check the mail every day and get a huge stack of them. No big surprises as of yet, we kinda know who is coming and who isn’t.
5. Got my hair trimmed, so it is healthy without split ends.

What E and I still have to do, and soon:
1. Finalize the payment of the house we are staying in.
2. Get the final banquet order to the hotel.
3. Decide and bridesmaids/ groomsmen gifts (we have been looking, but so far, no luck).
4. Figure out something old and something borrowed to have on my wedding day. Who knows…?
5. Decide on a tux, and get measured, along with both dads and the groomsmen.
6. Finalize itinerary for the week of the wedding.
7. Lots lots more that I can’t seem to think of.

But things are coming along well, and I am so excited to be E’s wife, he is the most wonderful person I have ever met, and it feels so good not to have any doubts, plus he’s hot!

Traveling dolls: my new hobby

Jess hanging out near a stream that is full with spring run-off.

A traveling doll is a foreign concept to most people. Why tote around a fairly large doll to “see things” and take photos? Well the answer is no other reason than its fun, and I’m a dork.

There are people out there that take a picture of their iPod in front of the Eiffel Tower, or a photo of their favorite hat in China. With me, I’ll take a doll and let them see what I’m seeing. I know, I know, its odd, but it is also fun in a really lame way.

So, I have a travel doll out there (Violet) that I have sent to other doll lovers around the country. She will get to “see” things that I one day hope to see, and do things that I one day hope to do. While Violet is away seeing the world I have hosted two traveling dolls of my own.

Ruthie, a doll from Virginia, came and stayed with me for an entire month. We went to the farmhouse, went to the zoo, and even trekked out to the Great Salt Lake for a photo shoot with E. Ruthie left last weekend, and now I have another travel doll Jess. Yes, this doll is my namesake, and she is a real cutie pie, but I don’t think I’ll buy her for myself.

So far Jess has built a fort in my backyard, gone on a hike, and had a picnic. All of these activities are not lost; however, I take photos along the way to share with their “mom” back home.

No, I’m not crazy, I’m just a kid at heart (or at least what I keep telling myself).

So, I’ve followed Violet across the country and into Canada through photos, and now I am showing the members of my doll group the beauties of Utah through they eyes of a doll. It’s cool, or at least I think so!

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away…

Yesterday E and I went biking and I felt so alive! As we sped along the mountain path I just felt happy. Happy to be alive, happy to be outside, and happy to be able to experience the views, the friendships, and the wind in my face. It was truly a beautiful day. As I looked across the canyon I saw a forest of green and white caped peaks, it was breathtaking. At the end of the trial we were able to look over the entire valley and it was so clear I could see for miles. I even commented to E that it might have been the clearest day I’ve ever seen. It was wonderful.

Today I woke up with a small feeling of dread, what to do at my wedding if my family is driving me nuts. This is my day and instead of looking forward to it, which I do about half the time, I dread it the other half. I wish I could go back a year when I thought my life was perfect.

Moab Moab Moab

Damn it was hot in Moab, really hot, but oh so fun.

E and I left Friday afternoon and we drove down without a problem, still in time for a bike ride. After we met up with our friends, unpacked the car, and set up our tent we decided to go on a little bike ride. I was totally feeling the trial, and I was ripping it up. It was awesome and really beautiful. Mike fell on the way back and hurt his chest, but he ended up being okay.

That night we had chili dogs and beer (I had my sissy beer, as the guys call it) and hung out around the campfire. It was beautiful and clear.

The next morning after cooking an oatmeal breakfast for the troops, we headed to Bartlett Wash for some more biking. All eight of us enjoyed an extremely hot day in the sun on top of a mesa where we biked, hung out, and sweated.

Most of our group had never seen Arches National Park, so after a quick snack in the campground we headed into Moab for Mexican and margaritas. Then we set off to hike in the park, and see Delicate Arch.

The sun was setting and everything was beautiful (but still hot) as we set off towards the famous arch. We chatted and told dirty jokes up the trial, and when we finally got there, we all enjoyed watching the arch in the setting sun.

After some photos and a lot of waiting for Mike and Logan to finish flirting with some girls they met we headed back in the dark. Hiking in the desert at night is something everyone should do once in their life, it was beautiful.

After a great night sleep in the heat of the dessert we woke up, packed up our site, and said goodbye to friends. I drove home dreading the drama from my parents that I knew awaited me.

That's me on the slick rock!

Wedding Woes Part II

I said this over a month ago, and I still believe it’s true, my wedding is more an inconvenience than a celebration, and it really sucks.

Every time I think things are getting better they sink to a new low. My parents are being absolutely brutal with each other, and I’m in the middle. My mom can’t afford the house she moved into without alimony, and my dad doesn’t want to pay it. My mom has no friends, other than her mom and her daughter (me). It’s all pretty sad. She calls me depressed almost daily, and it upsets me so much that I feel like I’m going to be sick.

My grandma is trying her best to support my mom, and help her with everything she needs, which is really wonderful, somebody needs to support her.

My dad pretends everything is okay, but I know he is very hurt, and because of that he is being horrible, and not caring about who he hurts along the way. Tonight he called and said we need to reprint our invites, which we finally just finished last week, after a huge headache over them. He wants my mom’s last name changed back to her maiden name (which she stated she wanted in the divorce papers) and E and I pretty much said “no.”

I’ve grown up knowing my mom as her married name, and she hasn’t raised an issue about it to us. E flipped and was (and still is) super mad. I wish our wedding could be ours, not everyone else’s political agenda.

I guess my dad felt guilty, because he called back and said we could do whatever we wanted. Now I feel more guilty than pleased I got my way. God damn. I wish everyting could be easier.

BINGO

When I was 11 my family visited Park City. Inside Dolly’s Bookstore there were two puppies that needed homes, and of course we fell in love with the little boy puppy that was so happy. My brother and I convinced my mom that we needed a puppy, and this little guy was it. The store owner was very supportive, and told us that these puppies were at a shelter and weren’t getting adopted. They were going to be put down unless they could find homes so she decided to adopt them and sell them at the store. That sealed the deal, and we left with a bouncing happy puppy in our arms.

We decided to name him Bingo. He was the smartest puppy and sweetest dog any of us had ever had. He was also half boarder collie, so he loved to “heard” us around the backyard and drive my parents insane with the paths he would run wearing down the grass.

As Bingo got older he got smarter (if this was possible). You never had to tell him anything twice, and he was so loyal to the entire family. He was also so talented at catching Frisbees and tennis balls. Bingo was one of those dogs that could jump 6 feet in the air and catch anything that was thrown. It was great fun to throw leftovers his way, he never missed a scrap.

This year Bingo turned 14 and started having a harder and harder time walking. He couldn’t hear and we could tell he was in terrible pain. We put Bingy on some pain killers, but it raised havoc on his liver, so we had to discontinue the meds. Over the weekend my dad said Bingo got worse, and he couldn’t even stand and was shaking terribly.

This morning my dad took Bingo in to be put down. I said goodbye to him last night by brushing his belly (his favorite thing) and kissing him on the nose. I miss him already, but after a very sad death with our kitty Boo, it’s refreshing to have a family pet that lives so long. He was an old man. I will miss you Bingy, I love you.